**When you read this post, don't read it with a mean voice in your head. I am not ranting...this was just on my mind. When I read through it just now it sounds like I am mad...but I'm not and I don't know what to change to make it sound different. SO just read it with a happy voice and maybe that will help...
I have found that as an adult, it is kind of hard to make new friends. I'm not talking about "fake" friends...you know, the ones that when you are with them it feels a little bit like a first date??? Do you know what I mean? Well, those aren't the friends I am talking about. I mean really good friends that you want to be with and actually take the effort (because, in a big city it takes a lot of effort...that's a whole other blog topic) to be with them and have a meaningful, fun relationship. I know that one of the reasons it is so hard is because everyone is at a different point in their life when you are an adult. When you are in school...everyone is in school. When you move off to college and have to make new friends, everyone has to make new friends. But when you are an adult,that's just not the way it is. For example: You might find some friends who all married but some of them are trying to have kids, some are pregnant, some have a kid and some aren't ready for kids at all. Or maybe most of your friends have kids and it seems like you are all at the same point but really you aren't. Because some might be on their first kid, some on their second. Some moms work and some don't. Some kids are easy so their parent's get out a lot and with some it's just easier to stay home. No matter the situation...you are just at different stations of life.
And I am almost convinced that I will never find better friends than the friends I made in college. They are the girls that I can really be myself around. I have always considered myself a very open person...I will share anything, sometimes too much. But I sometimes find myself having to edit my conversations with people who are my "friends" because I wonder what they might think if I said one thing or another. I would NEVER worry about that with my girlfriends from college. Why is that??? Is it because when you live with someone they see all aspects of you and you see all aspects of them? the good and the bad? the pretty and the not-so-pretty?
I wish it were still that simple. I miss having really close girlfriends right across the street or in the next room or a few blocks away. Ryan is my best friend in the whole world but it is still nice to have girl time. There is just something about being with a group of girls and talking and laughing that makes my world a better place!
All of that to get to this...today I was thinking...what does a really close friendship look like to me? And there was one thing that kept coming into my mind... I know I have a close friend when I can make fun of them and they can make fun of me and no one gets their feelings hurt. I am not talking about making fun of the way they look or dress or mean things like that. I am talking about if you do or say something stupid, I can call you out on it and we can laugh about it. Because I say and do stupid things all the time and I like to laugh at myself. And I like to have someone laugh with me. Please don't think this is my main goal in life...I don't sit around and make fun of people. I just mean that I know I have a close friend if I can joke with them and say what I am thinking and not have to edit myself.
So, to my faithful readers out there...how do you "judge" a close friendship? Don't answer with the cheesy things like "I want a friend who is patient" or "I know I have a close friend because they are nice to me." Duh...no one wants a mean friend.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Friends...
Posted by Mere Ware at 3:09 PM
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17 comments:
If I have an opinion and my friend has another opinion, that friend doesn't think I'm stupid for having my different opinion. She just realizes that we have different opinions and it is okay. I'm always amazed to hear someone say they had a fight with their best friend. Really???
I can't tell you how many times Micah and I have had this exact same conversation!!! It's so true. I judge true friends by the ones who you call when ANYthing happens and you want to tell them about it right away, even if it's something as stupid as a great bargain or a funny looking runner you just saw on the side of the road!
I judge a true friend by...
1-You can laugh for hours, and practically pee your pants, by talking about horses
2-when that friend comes to visit your husband knows who is staying in the guest room...HIM!!(See you in a few weeks)
3-you rather spend days talking and laughing instead of bathing!
4-and last but not least you will call a true friend from the delivery bed right before you have your baby, and then again right after delivery
Love ya friend
JONI
That is a tough one...most of my church friends are the kind I have to edit myself around. My friends at school have become my "real" friends (besides my sister). I'm sitting here a the computer trying not to cry right now because I'm going to miss them SO much next year. Not that we can't still be friends. I just won't see them everyday or several times a day. So, all that to say I judge a good, or real, friend kind of like Linda, I don't have to worry that they will think worse of me because of something I believe, say, or do. THey just accept me for who I am.
Great topic Mere. I have this SAME issue now that I am older. When I was younger, I never edited myself and now I find myself being politically correct so I don't possibly offend others. I judge a true friend as someone I can say anything I want and, because they know me and that overall I am a good person, they don't judge that comment or, in many occasions, my dirty mouth! I also judge a true friend as someone you can go months, even years without talking to and you can pick right back up, with no hard feelings from either side. You aren't alone in this. It is hard to find good, close girlfriends as an adult. I was starting to think I was just a drag to be around so I am glad you brought this up!!!
I am glad to know that I am not the only person out there that thinks it is hard to find a "real" friend. I judge true friends by the ones who REALLY know who I am AND still love me for me. Who I can call at any time and they are there for me. If I need a prayer they are there OR if I need to vent they are there. Those kind of friends are hard to find but they are truly special ones.
Hey Mere, we still love you. Friends don't have to remember birthdays!!!
I don't think I know a single adult woman who doesn't feel this way! It's so difficult to find time to be with friends (or even talk on the phone) and those comfortable, talk-about-anything, pee-your-pants-laughing friendships are tough without time.
I think for me a truly close friendship is someone I don't feel myself constantly explaining myself to. That's why old friends are so great - they understand where you came from as well as where you're going. As an adult I feel like I do a lot of explaining of my history and my decisions. Sometimes it's nice to skip all of that!
I think you are such a fun person to be around, and I love the way you just tell a story or talk openly without playing games or being "mature" all the time! Being too grown up is highly overrated!
I'm so glad that I am not the only person out there who feels this way. I didn't go to college so I don't know how that feels to have a group like that bu tI see it in alot of my "friends" and I always feel like I don't measure up to those friends.
But I totally agree with the whole first ate thing! It's so akward. I think we should have a play date and tell all the girls to roll out of bed and come over, no makeup no masks and just be anti cover up girls for a day! Who knows it might catch on!
I totally feel the same way! It's hard when everyone's in such different places in their lives. My college girlfriends are still my closest friends, and I think it's because that is who I was with when I figured out exactly who I am. They became my family for four years and went through all of the learning experiences that come with being on your own for the first time with me. Unfortunately I don't see them as much as I would like because we live so far apart.
I really miss sincere girl friendships that you can just be girls with. You can gossip about stupid stuff and cry about nothing important without them thinking you are crazy. I think a true friendship is one that doesn't feel like work. You don't have that feeling like they will be angry that you haven't called for two weeks, and you can laugh at each other without hurt feelings. You can just be you and they love you all the more for it.
Great topic, by the way.
I agree with everything you wrote. I feel the most comfortable around people that I don't have to "edit" myself around. It is exhausting otherwise. I love that you are so "real." We need to get together again soon!
I am jealous of your summer break! Enjoy all the time with your baby girl!
Heyhey! Don't mean to be creepy, but I came across your blog. Hope you don't mind, but I added a link to your blog from mine...I'm new and need friends! :) Would love to hear from you! We're all doing great and I'm prego again! Talk to u later!
i consider it real if:
--you can look past it after they're a super bitch (and vice versa)
--if they've seen you broken down...no make-up, stressed, insecure, and upset
--if you've been through some of life's trials together
--if you can really talk, unedited and not requiring explanations/justifications
Hi Meredith!
I am visiting your blog from Shauna's blog :-) I love reading about your life and about Blake. Because we share something in common - SHAUNA - I thougt I'd write a little comment:
- my best friends in the entire world are my friends from high school. I can add in my college roommate and my friend Stacy - b/c with any of these girls - we don't hold back anything!
- the best friends are ones you KNOW you can count on - not the ones you think will be there - but, say something bad happens in your life - your real friends will be there to pick up the pieces, help you put your life back together, make no judgements, and be brutally honest with you if the reason your life is in pieces is because it IS your fault
- a friend is someone you laugh with - really laugh with - belly laugh with - over absolutely nothing and almost everything
I have been blessed to have a handful of those people - and most I made in high school. Most friendships I make these days are superficial - it makes me sad - but then I call my best friends - and all is right in the world!
You are one of my very best friends and I think that part of that truly is because we make fun of each other...alot. Seems so silly but I think the underlying thing to that is that we whole-heartedly KNOW that we love each other. You dont really want to make fun of someone you dont trust or doesnt trust you. That wouldnt make sense. They would hate you. :) Anyhow - love you friend - I miss my Blaker.
Teredith-
Get yo ass ova to my blog.
-Wally
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